Dana's+peer+edits

 Dana Shepherd Assignment # 9

Technology is such a huge part of our lives that people do not even notice how much they use it. The average person has a cell phone, ipod, computer, and ga me elect ronics. __Technology has changed the way people live, the way people communicate and the way they are entertained.__ It has become so advanced and has become such a necessity that we can not imagine our lives without it.

Computers are very important in our society and are used all over the world for research and networking. Being a student it is an essential to have a computer at home because teachers expect and assume that students have one. One popular phone that teenagers have is Sidekick. Teenagers are constantly on aim (AOL instant messager) and that is one of the most popular ways to  communicate with people. Approximately the bill for these phones for each month will cost 50 – 70 dollars and the sidekick phone itself cost 150-300 dollars. Since it became a popular phone for teenagers<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">, they have an urge to have the phone in any circumstance. “ In Boston there were more than 300 cases of stolen Sidekicks in 2008 alone, accounting for about 14% of all robberies in the area.” [|http://www.mobilemag.com/content/100/340/C17019/]<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> (explain quote a bit more). Adults on the other hand are more likely to have a<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> Blackberry, <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">they help people that are involved in businesses, politics, and for general communication. The Blackberry became so popular that they started to sponsor major Rock, Pop, and R&B recording artists. RIM Black Berry, also sponsored [|Madonna’s 2008 “Sticky & Sweet Tour,]during which “Black Berry Bold Ambassadors” snapped photographs of concert-goers to both drum up interest in the high-end Bold 9000 device and create a [|photo-mosaic of Madgeherself.]"[]U2 is a huge rock band and now Black Berry are sponsoring them. “And that’s exactly what RIM’s banking on; a wider degree of Black Berry exposure—360 degrees, if you will. That and the fact that U2 is going to sell out each and every one of its 18 tour dates—that we know of—and that each and every one of its concert attendees will leave thinking about Black Berry smart phones just a little bit more than a few hours” [|http://advic e.cio.com/al_sacco/rim_blackberry_to_sponsor_u2_360_tour_so_move_over_mayer_madonna]. Black Berry’s marketing strategy is really smart because they sponsor so many artists who have millions of fans.<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">It is all about appeling to the public weather young or old, technology is all about selling. Everyone has cell phones, even the homeless <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">(Homeless really? Explain that, in a way that completely does not contradict the homeless concept.). It’s very surprising to know how important cell phone<span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);">s are in order for people to survive. "Phones are really a lifeline for many people," I <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> (Never us I in an essay)(So use - It is a lifeline becasue it is becoming a huge phycological need for people to have it on them.)(Then you can make another paragraph about that and how its affecting socitey- but its all up to you.) lifeline because it feels like you‘re missing something and that you need it at all times for communication. Young teenagers <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">have always <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">ha<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> d cell phones since they were growing up and used it to communicate with parents then later on with friends. Even people who are homeless have cell phones, to keep but with their food stamps, and basic needs.<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> [| http://www.washingtonpost.com/wdyn/content/article/2009/03/22/AR2009032201835.html] <span style="background-color: rgb(229, 162, 123);">"Advocates who work with the District's homeless estimate that 30 percent to 45 percent of the people they help have cell phones."<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"> <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">(Put the highlight line in the beginning where you introduce the concept) [|http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/22/AR2009032201 835.html] "But the technology is advancing so quickly that a simple cell phone is fairly cheap". [] Life has changed so much over the years that even poor people have cell phones. <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> (You keep repeating yourself) <span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);">[Either explain this a bit more or remove it from the paragraph] Over the years games have changed and become more sophisticated. Gaming is very important to kids and teenagers <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">it is a way to be entertained at home. If you do<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> not have a game system and you <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">(You never use YOU in an essay unless your actually talking to the reader.) know someone who has one, you would play it at their house. It’s a form of socializing and having fun <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">(Explain more the concept). The most popular game systems are Play Station 3, Xbox 360, and Nintendo Wii. Theses systems grew over the years and millions of gamers bought them and games became more realistic in terms of graphics.<span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);">[Give a little info on their backround like how they advance mention some of the older models before these game out such as the Gamecube or Playstation and how they changed] "To game designers, Wright is the Zola of the form: the man who moved the subject matter of games away from myth, fantasy, and violence and toward ordinary social life."[] In 1974 the game “Pong” was very popular and it was originally arcade game. This game was the simplest graphics and game possible. "The games that followed Pong—Space Invaders, Asteroids, Missile Command, and Pac-Man, among others—were even more <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">captivating, but the simulations remained the stuff of arcades and midways: sports, space aliens, zombies, shoot-’em-ups." [] "In the nineteen-eighties, as the speed <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">and=2 0 (?) storage capacity of computers and game-playing consoles grew, designers continued to improve the graphics." [] As technology grew the audience grew also and gaming became a way of life for teenagers and kids. <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> (You said that already) On <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">YouTube anyone can be star no matter how old you are. On <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">YouTube you can find just about any type of video clips like musicians, artists, TV shows, tutorials, kids, animals, etc. So anybody who has a video camera can post their video on <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">YouTube and become famous or a joke. Sure you can sing a song from another artist and post on YouTube but it might get removed because you’re not paying any royalties to the artist. "A spokesman for Warner Music said that YouTube’s system for identifying copyrighted material does not distinguish between professionally made music videos and amateur material that may include copyrighted works." [|http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/23/business/media/23warner.html?_r=1&ref=technology Besides people posting up videos of anything You Tube is used for more serious purposes like politics. There are also times where it can be used to expose incidence that a government might want to cover up. **"China's move to block You Tube has been criticized by a leading advocacy group that promotes constitutional liberties in the digital age.**"][] "Earlier in the week, the BBC reported from Beijing that China cut off access to the website because it carried a video showing soldiers beating monks and other Tibetans." <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">YouTube has gone global around the world and could be fun, education, entertaining, and could be used to expose serious matters.[]

Technology has gotten so advanced that you can even get a reading machine. You no longer need to read the actual book when you can just read it on a Kindle <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">or on scribd.com .<span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);">[Give an example like Sparknotes.com] Technology has advanced even more where you can read electronically."The Kindle is not better than a printed book in all situations. You wouldn't want to read an art book on one, or a picture book to your children, or take one into the tub (please)." <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">(You can also say that its good for the environment if your reading on the web.) [|http://www.newsweek.com/id/190358 i] Even though your not going to read it to your kids or take it in the bathroom it just makes it more easier to read and makes it more interesting. "Like a growing number of Americans, I do most of my reading in front of a laptop or handheld screen" <span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);">[Explain how the websites can be helpful in school or how they are used and can possibly make reading obsolete] [] "Rudy Giuliani was reportedly spotted with one on a flight. Another high-profile Republican, former Vice President Dick Cheney, is already on record as a Kindle user. Is there a trend here?" [] "When it comes to literature, I'm optimistic that electronic reading will bring more good than harm. New modes of communication will spur new forms while breathing life into old ones. Reading without paper might make literature more urgent and accessible than it was before the technological revolution, just like Gutenberg did" [] Since people enjoy using electronics more now this would probably interesting to reading on a Kindle. The more technology advances the more people desire it and feel they need to have it.We are attached to it like i<span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);">t's a necessity; we c<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">a<span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);">n not separate ourselves from it. Whenever technology grows the audience for it gets bigger and bigger. We are connected electronically for our social lives, personal communication, entertainment, research, business and more. As long as the power do<span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);">es not go out we will always be and stay connected. <span style="color: rgb(102, 133, 234);"> Okay that was an okay essay, you can expand on certain things and you keep repeating yourself.. You redo some info and put it where it makes sense and all. You can many different paragraphs upon some that you have. -Fatima <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> Overall the essay is good, for somethings you stated you need to add more detail. For example the quotes you did, after you put the links to where you found the information. Talked about how it goes with the thesis you had in the 1st paragraph. ~Nicole <span style="color: rgb(0, 255, 0);"> The essay is good overall but the only thing is that you repeat yourself too much. There are some things that you can explain some more and give some backround such as the videogame systems. The only thing you have to fix is the fact that you repeat yourself way too much or say the same thing but just rephrased it. -Erick