Assignment9

3 Strong Peer Edits



Blue - Curtis PINK- NATALIE. **Red-Rachel**

 Education is essential in allowing young adults to grow mentally, psychologically and socially. I can't imagine what my life or mind-set would be like if I did not have education in my life. It assisted in me getting to know myself, set goals for my future and expand my interests in life. A decent education is such an important growth factor in young adults. Several **of the**  articles researched prove my point by showing how education is critical in a young person's life.

(why are you talking about "extra curricular activities" in second paragraph? I thought you would go right into "essential education".) Having extra curricular activities in school available to students, gets them more involved in their regular school work. Jennifer L. Gay and Sara Corwin [1] emphasize academic statistics by stating, “Participation in after school programs is associated with increases in academic achievement and improved behavior in students at risk.” By personal experience, this is very close to being factual. (?) During my freshman year, I chose to get involved in almost 5 ( SPELL OUT FIVE ) different activities outside of my regular classrooms. Though, it did improve my focus inside the classroom.(clumsy) I started to achieve the highest grades that I never received before.(reword) **(Maybe part of this should be in the intro. you can't come out of the blue with extracurricular.)**  Education lets someone (? who's "someone") ( PEOPLE/CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS ) build values, responsibility and morals. Nancy L. Brown [2] says that, “Teens who are connected to school are also less likely to be participating in high risk activities, like drinking, smoking, and early sexual activity.” This explains how young adults automatically predict wrong from right by distracting themselves with school.(?) Pushing(Chalenging?) themselves into school work allows them to have logical moralistic values. Dennis Bass [3] states the purpose of public education by saying, “We want our next generation to be prepared for assuming the responsibility of guiding our society. “ One of the goals for education is for young adults to build responsibility by being responsible for their grades, their social life, etc.(no etc. explain)

A good education also lets a person figure out their goals in life and create(s) expectations for themselves by learning about the world around them. “Giving a child an education not only keeps them busy, it opens up their world and helps them understand the interconnectivity of systems - the earth, human bodies, families, neighborhoods, communities, countries, and the universe.” (GO INTO MORE DETAIL WITH EACH OF THESE OPTIONS, LIKE YOUR OPINION) ( Nancy L. Brown points out how education benefits a person later on in their life. By learning all of these things, it allows people to be open to other options in life. They can find out what they would like to pursue in life and what they would like to achieve.

Without education, a young adult's growth is incomplete. SUMMARIZE YOUR INTRO. AND ALSO ADD A FEW MORE POINTS ON HOW TEACHERS CAN INFLUENCE A PERSONS LEARNING, THE ENVIRONMENT THAT THEIR IN, YOU CAN ALSO WRITE SOMETHING ON PEER PRESSURE, AND GETTING INTO COLLEGE. THESE ARE JUST SOME SUGGESTIONS. – NATALIE, ILY! **Make sure to try and summarize all your points in the intro as well as the conclusion. I feel like I didn't know where you were going to end up in this essay. I agree with Natalie's suggestions, they may improve your essay. Work on clarity and you'll be fine.**
 * // [ Need a lot of help in conclusion; I don’t want to sound repetitive in my essay] //**

[1] http://cie.asu.edu/volume10/number1/index.html [2] http://www.healthline.com/blogs/teen_health/2008/08/importance-of-education.html [3] http://www.edarticle.com/school-improvement/education-reform-for-the-next-generation.html